Shrunken Down But Growing Up
by DarkMgc
Summary: "He's coming BACK! HEL-GA! Phoebe screamed holding on to the bed railings "What will he SAY!" She got in her face this time. She needed those blue eyes behind the blonde strands to hear this. "What will you DO when he SEE's you like this Helga! I know you've kept him in the dark in your letter all this time. What. Will you. DO!"
1. Happy Birthday

Phoebe tears had burned against her round warm cheeks falling onto the soupy ground

Scrub...scrub..scrub

"Damn you Helga" she swore with fire in her lungs as she applied more pressure to rag englouded in her small fist.

This. This is what had been engraving deeper and deeper in her mind these passing three years. Since the last time to be precise. An accident. That's what she called it.

_For crying out loud, I had a slip up Phoebe!_

The words used by her former hero. She spilled these lies like rose petals to their friend and foe alike. She couldn't even stay clean for _her. The best friend!_ She stood up for her, she made her secrets her own. Yet this. This is how that horrible no good Pataki had paid her!

Phoebe not caring for making even more of a mess slapped the wet rag back into the bucket of water.

"The only thing I ever asked of you!" She screamed to her the four walls in the room. The tiny girls body shivered at the acoustics of her voice. Her eyes were exhausted, her head doing cartwheels. She couldn't even feel her boyfriends tenth call vibrating in her cardigan pocket., or the gross vomit water sinking in the carpet soaking her pant leg. No. This wasn't Helga's fault, she thought attempting to make her lungs corporate with her constant gasps.

She never felt so useless in her life. Throughout their childhood all she did was idolized her friends confidence and bitter judgement. She stood her ground at all times and never showed a sign of weakness; friend or foe. No, Helga G. Patacki knew no mercy when pressed. A unibrow tomboy bully is what their peers all knew and feared. but in those private moments she caught her best friend without her knowledge. Those moments of vulnerability when she saw every blue wiped her face with her cold hands, a sarcastic giggle escaped her lips at the moments were she tried so hard to observe him from afar she often got her self hurt somehow. Falling into a trash can, falling form the ceiling, falling from a roof!

But no, she never judged her, even then. She thought as she drained the dirty water from the rag with her small now red hands. She didn't care about the party. She didn't care about Helga favorite chocolate cake sprawled on the floor, all the hard work put in to the stupid gathering. The whole purpose of it was to show Helga that she wasn't alone. That she still had people! Phoebe couldn't blame the guest that made them selves present for the occasion. There was nothing she could do about that now.

Phoebe used her damp hands to brush her hair back as her knees finally gave out. She'd forgotten she hadn't even really had a chance to sit down. All this planning...was for her. She felt like a terrible friend. The cell phone made a single buzz her in her pocket. She new it was a text message this time. Reluctantly, she opened the mobile:

_Doctors said she'll okay babe. Don't blame yourself your stress yourself out. I'll stay with her tonight, you've been through a lot okay'? I'll see you in class next week. Love you._

She couldn't help roll her eyes. There she goes again. Telling Death to go fuck off. A giggle with a little more power came from her throat. _Same old Helga_ .Phoebe turned her head to the old clock on the chimney. 3:31 am. approximately a week and five hours till the first day of school. Shaking her head at the realization with bitterness she began to scroll through the old photos from years ago. One of her at the math competitions, holding her medal. Herself and Gerald sitting at the park gazing at the pond. She met a lot of faces throughout her time staying in Hillwood. She made a few friends, had adventures and even helped save her entire class. Those memories had the old Helga in them. She was by her side all the time. But now. Now everything changed. There were all about to start sophomore year. Some student she new were already filling out college applications. They were coming of age now. After a while, a certain image nearly brought a tear to her eyes. But there was the one last photo she owned. Taken only about three years ago. The first thing that caught her eyes was the old boarding house a few blocks down.

She herself hadn't gone down there to visit as much as they used to. The light from her almost dead phone reflected on her oval lenses. Her own image standing still with patience next to Gerald. His signature 13 sweatshirt right and red while acting cool with his arm crossed. Helga. The old Helga minus a unibrow giving the most beautiful resting bitch face that once fashion industry's loved. Helga on the steps resting her chin on her wrist. A smile came on Phoebes face. She didn't exactly remember what she was upset about that day to be honest. But she did remember how hard she tried to avoid the boy arm wrapped tight across her shoulders...

She tossed the phone across the floor.

"No! This can't be it!" Wiping her eyes roughly with her irritated palms she stood up. She was so trapped in her thoughts she forgotten she was still sitting in the empty room cold room. No lights, no heat. Just worthless party favors scattered around the walls and floor. This party was a disaster from the get go, she was grateful the from desk lady downstairs gave her a discount on the room accounting on the incident took place. Shefelt bad for the people checked in here had to remove their vehicles from the lot for the ambulance.

"We are going to be sophomores this year Helga. Don't worry." Finally deciding to go home and put the night to rest. She delicately grabbed her clutch bag from the chair near the door.

Taking the _Do Not Disturb_ sign from the door handle she looked back at the remains of the failed event.

"I won't let you down Helga. I'll save you. That when he _does_ come back, you'll be back to your old self before you know it!"

Phoebe gently locked the door and started walking down the run down halls.

_I don't think he'd ever forgive me if I didn't' try..._

.


	2. Choices

Chapter 2 Choices

To Helga, getting home was the easy part. Opening her eyes at the realization that she was still alive was the hardest. She messed up bad. It went from a typically teenage birthday party to a complete nightmare all because of her. She knew she should have flushed it. Phoebe's warning still ringing freshly in her ears. It would have been a peaceful and charming event had she's simply flushed it. No. This is what she was now. She didn't even remember climbing into Bobs car when he finally picked her up. No words were exchanged between her and him the ride home. He'd only found out less than a few hours before his last child was a drug addict. Where's the rage?! Helga didn't even know anymore. Once again the neglectful father award goes too-

Bob exhaled heavily as he pulled the key out of the engintion. Looks like the talking starts now.

"Well, thanks for the ride.: She said calmly unbuckling herself. "Don't forget you have to sign those papers..."

"I've met someone." He said straight to the point his attention finally toward her. There was a pause before she burst in her signature mocking laugh.

Helga gave a signature smile facing the fogged up window "Haha, Bob, your fucking brilliant-"

"Imma' need you to get your druggy shit together, listen and carefully, Little Lady" Bob immediately fives time upped her. There's the rage! Even with hospital bracelets still on her wrist and the paper skirt on, cold as hell, why jump?. She figured it out long ago there was no fixing this very forced relationship. He yelled, she'd yell back. Battle scars on both sides. Each coped with the misery in their own Pataki way.

_I guess since he bothered to pick meIi can give him a chance. _Helga breathed in deeply before releasing. "So? What's her deal Bob?"

"She knows about you and Miriam and in time. In time, I will release your mother from this shame of marriage." Bob let it out, a hint of relief in his tone as he tapped the steering wheel in irritation. "She's good people Olga, She smart, she actually reminds me of Miriam when-" He stopped. "Nevermind," He gave it another shot. "She's a patient woman. But I will be dropping hints the next few months so it won't be hard on your mother.

"Oooh! So that's it huh?" Helga smiled evilly crossing her legs in the short hospital dress "She's just your ticket out." She leaned into Bob. This was starting to get good. Not only does Bob have a guilt gland in that blocky head of his but he actually was gonna need a direct favor from her. _Interesting._

"No! It is not." Bob glared at her dead was one of their rare truths that every came out of his mouth to her. At the same time, his youngest had matured at a young age. Certainly not by choice or himself and Miriam's _parenting_ but the fact was she read him like a book. There was nothing he could have said that justified his actions as a father. Junkie or not.. "We originally met for a meeting on a whole other loan business and one thing led to another. I want her and that's that Olga. I'm not going any further than that." Bob began to moniver around to dig into his back pocket. In his hand came out a thick compact envelope. He tossed the thing into his daughter's cold lap in the seat. Not saying a word, she casually picked it up and cracked open the seal.

"5,000 a month for your silence " he said staring out in space in the driver's seat.

"Wooooooow. " Helga's dark baggy eyes turned to him nodding her head "Big Bob the rolling stone beeper king has finally found his _happily ever after." _There was no hiding the sarcastic chuckle. It finally happened. He'd leave. And her silence was everyone's ticket to freedom. No blood no mess? Yeah right. "So what is this money really for?"

"What now Olga?"

"For someone that had an entire business go bankrupt, five grand a month is a pretty costly." There was five thousand dollars cash in her hand right now right after she just got out of a hospital for overdosing. What was it that this man could possibly want from her?

Bob took in a real deep breathe. "There…." He paused. This had to be said carefully. "There is a possibility that she's pregnant. She needs me Olga…"

That was all she needed to hear. "Well, good thing I didn't."

Picking up the thin blanket on the floor under her feet she wrapped it around her pale shoulders and unlocked the car door, with the money in hand. Her hospital dress was instantly soaked. She faced him after getting out.

"If it's not too much trouble. I need a ride to my first few meetings. You signed a paper saying I would go to a least five once a week before I go back to school."

She left him alone with the rain and the ring of the door slamming.

If Helga had any say about it, this was the most non-selfish thing the man had ever done. Why make it a huge limbo? The were all different people had been distant for the past few years. What basically happened was that a spark she thought was for real going to rekindle between her parents just disappeared. They were lovers again for a brief time, then, all of a sudden they were back to their old ways. Yelling at each other over a tv. Who payed what bill? Such a shame too; in the pictures before she was born they looked so happy. And for a brief moment, they looked exactly like they did then. Helga had asked Olga once in their rare deep conversations about them. She remembered how enthusiastic she became at talking about her childhood. Luckily, Olga understood now that wasn't the case and it hadn't been the case for a very long time. It was until she had a child of her own she came to terms with it. Olga had skipped town and married this hippie guy. Chase? Chester? Whatever, he was okay she guessed. They just had a beautiful baby boy named Ian. Even Phoebe knew of her weak spot for the little guy. His hair was so close to white he could have passed for a ghost! The pair did okay for each other. She actually wished this was one of those nights where they spray all the tye dye blankets in the small apartment and sing Ian lullabies on ukulele.

But no, after almost dying for the second time in the life she was dealing with this shit. Just holding the envelope in her hand made her hands just as dirty.

_I'm a reaaaal piece of work _She thought to herself as she let herself in he own room. Even after what she was told, with the five grand in her hand, she didn't give Miriam a glance on the couch. The three stepped checked off the list as follows: Was she alive? Yeah. Had she moved today? Who knew, she was unconscious herself for 10 hour. Dinner in the oven? Probably not. Everything was in order inside the Patacki. After a quick shower and brushing her teeth, money in the nightstand, Helga climbed into bed. The school year would be a month or two in when she was able to return. Going back to class made a shiver go down her spine. Phoebe and her had spoken a few days before her release. She wanted to call her Phoebe but doubted her or her boy boyfriend was in a forgiving mood right now.

_Until then i guess. _She thought to herself, turning her attention from the ceiling to the photograph on her nightstand. The old days, just hanging out at the boarding house, playing baseball, running up and own the streets of hillwood. It just be herself, Phoebe, Gerald and-

_Nope! Not dealing with that right now! _Stretched her arm out and planted the photo face down

This was how it started. Her breathing picking up as the clocked on her wall ticked on. Everything in her head wrapping itself in a conundrum of pain and anxiety. She felt so small like this. Like any and anything was going to fall apart. This weak Helga need to go away. The years layer on top of eachother making her wish he life ended right here. Why? Why had it come to this? Why was this the new her? What happened?

"WHERE THE FUCK IS ROCK FUCKING BOTTOM!" She screamed from her pillows. Bob had gone off with that woman. Miriam was downstairs on the couch for another day. Olga had a whole new family to take care of. _He_ was gone. Helga G. Pataki was here. Just. Here.

"aHHH FUCK IT!" Helga ripped the covers off her body and dashed for the closet. Anxiously ripping away the boxes tall boxes of writing and poems she found the very one she was looking for. Her pulse was on haywire, her blood boiling, her hand nowhere near as fast as she wanted them too.

_You listen to me Helga!_

"No." She responded alertly setting up the tray and pill bottle.

_I know you've bore the brunt of it all_

_I'm seeing someone Olga.._

_She's such a liar! No one will believe her_

_Freakin druggie._

_This is all your fault!_

"Shut UP!" Helga cursed as she placed a few pills on the tray and began to crh them under the bottle.

_No!" Phoebe raised her voice leaning into her "I refuse to let your life end like this. You deserve a life that will make you happy and i refuse to let you corrupt that."_

"You don't know anything Phoebe." Crouching on her knees she, lowered to the ground concentrating on lining the white residue in columns.

"_As a matter of fact I do Helga!" Phoebe shouted not caring to wake other patients._

After having a crisp dollar bill rolled into a tube. She lowered to the tray and aligning the bill to her nose parallel to one of the white lines. As she made the long inhale more memories of her hospital room entered her mind. Tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"_I know Arnold _is _and _will _be coming back!" This was Phoebe's last playing card. Now all of them had been placed on the table._

_Helga was completely baffled. She clenched her bed sheets in her fists "W-What do you mean! Your just saying stuff to make me quit now-"_

"_HE'S COMING BACK HELGA! In a few months, to be precise. But yes he is!" Phoebe cleared her throat and pushed back her hair. Not giving her a chance to process it she continued "Gerald and I wanted to surprise you so the two of you could celebrate together but I'm telling you this now for this reason and this reason only. .._

_Phoebe moved closer to her bed "Your sixteen, your a full blown pill popping addict, you almost died two days ago and then you have the nerve to sit here and tell me you wished you didn't wake up! Well I'm telling you this. This. Ends. Here." She got into her face "Your my best friend and I don't like to lose. Especially someone that is as important to me as you! Now you listen here…"_

This wasn't right. She shouldn't have done this. Helga slapped the tray away in the small closet space, wiping her irritated nose blindly. She deserved to feel like a shit bag. This was her life now and she did nothing to stop it. And here was now fucking up a line, hair a hair stack and snot running down her nose. Crying her eyes out in hysterics, in the privacy of her own closet, she let it out. Curled into a feedle position hugging her knees Phoebe's words rang in her ear drums

She looked down and summoned all the strength from the Gods for her to say these words

_"He's coming BACK! HEL-GA! Phoebe screamed holding on to the bed railings "What will he SAY!" She got in her face this time. She needed those blue eyes behind the blonde strands to hear this. "What will you DO when he SEE's you like this Helga! I know you've kept him in the dark in your letters all this time. What. Will you. DO!_"

For now, Helga wouldn't have an answer. Not tonight, probably not by the time school started

"_Arnold still remembers you as you, so you need to get your shit together before he does come back. You will NOT be using while he is here." Phoebe didn't want her sorry remarks. No, not this time. "Gerald has not seen his own best friend in three WILL NOT ruin this for him Helga."_ She began to gather he belonging. Leaving Helga in her shocked thoughts. "_Go to your meetings, talk to your therapist. Accept the help. Cause if you ruin this for not only my boyfriend but Arnold? I don't think you will ever forgive yourself. Please don't die in your own vomit"_ With that, Phoebe left the room, leaving Helga to stare at the hospital ceiling to contemplate.

**: I'm going to use this chapter to formerly introduce myself! I'm Tyra was I started writing fanfiction about ten years ago and now i'm back cause my brain in crawling with ideas again! I am open to critiques and ideas. Any suggestion will be accredited. Note in order for me to get better and this story to keep going to need reviews. tell me what you would like to see and i will attempt at applying to my writing. Writing really is my only escape route so don't be shy. I can't make any promises on next chapter dates so just leave a few comments and critiques every chapter. Motivation does wonders. Or just pm me to chat. I've got good ears. Any questions about me or story feel free!**

**See ya next time!**

**ps. Also looking for a beta reader, editor if anyone is interested PM me please!**


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